So a couple days ago… I returned to work in the TC room. It was kind of strange to be back because I had not done any tissue culture work in… quite  a while and I was kind of nervous.

I have a propensity to make silly mistakes (I have been told that it’s probably because I am always in a hurry), and I desperately wanted to do well in my return to tissue culture work.

So I made my media with no major hitches. I thawed my cells. I plated my cells, and I put them in the incubator.

It was quite satisfying and in my head I was like “Oh yes. I CAN do this. Boo-yah.”

And then came the e-mail.

Hi Lillian,

R found your plates in the incubator (#2) which has been disconnected.

She moved them to them to the top incubator.

I just about died.

It turns out that I did everything right EXCEPT put the cells in a functioning incubator.

Lesson Learned: Make sure the incubator is actually ON…

L: i think that if you and i were lymphocytes…

L: you would be a t cell

L: and i would be a b cell

J: haha

J: how do u figure that?

J: and which type of T cell?

L: i think you would be a ctl

L: you’re more combative

L: although i guess you could be a helper t cell

L: if you wanted to help the lillian b cell

J: don’t i have to give u cd40L

L: which the lillian b cell would greatly appreciate

L: but i feel like you would be unhappy

L: with just having a helper role

L: and would rather be a ctl

L: and go kill things on your own

L: and have other people help you

L: that seems much more your nature

L: well i guess if i were to put this another way…

L: if we were both t cells

L: you would be a ctl

L: and i would be the helper

L: -___-

J: haha

J: ur a dork

L: :(

L: but you’re not disagreeing with me

L: also

L: i resent that

L: you wouldnt give me cd40l?

J: i would

J: since im the t cell

J: and since u are the b cell u can’t do anything without me

J: u can’t isotype switch

J: u cant do affinity maturation

J: u need me to survive

L: i don’t need to isotype switch

L: :(

J: then all u can do is make crappy igm

L: it’s not crappy

L: :(

J: not the IGg ur capable of

J: man i am loving this analogy

L: haha who wants to be iGg anyway

L: IgG is overrated

J: who knew immuno could be so fun

L: now who’s the dork?

L: :)

I was sick for the past two weeks and took some time off from work.

At first, I sent an e-mail to my grad student telling him that I was ill with a fever and sore throat– possibly strep throat. I told him that I would not be going in to lab, but that perhaps in a few days I would feel better and pop in for work.

A couple days went by and I lost my voice, so I shot him another e-mail informing him of this new update to my disease.

I received no response regarding either e-mail.

So a week and a half went by without my talking to my grad student again. I slowly recovered from my illness until all that remained (and still remains) is an awfully annoying cough.

I had to go back to work, but I didn’t want to face him and have to explain my lengthy absence…. I was SCARED.

Yesterday was my first day back after a two week sick-leave (I know… super long sick-leave), but it wasn’t as bad as I had expected it to be. People actually miss me when I’m gone… or at least they notice when I’m gone! It’s kind of exciting– kind of like validation.

But yes, I am back in lab. In fact, I am in lab right now… and it is 9:10 pm.

Welcome back indeed.

The building that I work in… has to be one of the creepiest buildings in the world at night.

There are corridors popping out from every corner and every side, and the hallways go on for miles. It doesn’t help that the building is not as bustling as it used to be, thanks to many labs migrating to newer buildings.

Even though you need to have card access to enter the building past 7pm, and I’m sitting in my locked lab, I am still scared. I hate leaving the sanctity of my lab… even if it’s just to run across the hall to the tissue culture room, or a couple of doors down the cold room or the bathroom.

Being in lab at night by myself is so lonely. I want to talk to people and laugh and be happy while I do my experiments… not sad and scared.

But what can you do? A girl’s gotta do what a girl’s gotta do.

And this girl has to do science. At night. All alone…

I need to FOCUS.

The first step to focusing would probably be… not blogging right now.

I cannot list the number of times I have messed up this current experiment. All these little things– they add up.

What am I doing? I’m working on some IHC stuff for my/my graduate student’s project. Because my graduate student doesn’t specialize in IHC, he recommended that I learn some stuff from a different graduate student in the lab, G. G is really good at IHC stuff, so he’s been helping me, and I’ve been helping him.

But oh, it really sucks when other people find out how much of a failure you are.

I’m pretty sure G thinks I’m a pretty big goofball because I’ve messed up this experiment so many times. Oh so many times…

I’ve had to entirely scrap this current IHC project and had to start over with an entirely new set of slides. It’s a good thing M (my grad student) gave me a whole set of slides to test out different conditions with.

I wish that I was more competent. :(

G has been laughing at me, but he does know that I feel bad. Still, it hurts when he says things like, “Well, at least you’re not my student…” This is my first time working with this new IHC protocol on my own, so I guess it’s “ok” for me to mess up, but at the same time, it would be such a nice feeling to do something right on the first try…

And it would do me some good not to forget that.

It is true, I have been neglecting my research. It’s not because I am purposefully doing such a thing. I just have become busy with other things, and as a result, have been forced to put research on the back burner. Not for nothing would I sacrifice my research, mind you, so this “thing” that has usurped the place of research in my life is awfully important to me.

In a couple of weeks though, order will have been restored to my life, and my research will be rightfully appointed “king of Lillian’s humble existence” once more.

I’m giving a journal club presentation this Friday for the Howard Hughes research program that I’m in, and in preparation for the big day, I have been meeting with one of the faculty advisors to perfect my talk.

This particular faculty member is someone whom I greatly respect. I heard wonderful things about her long before meeting her, and she has really lived up to those expectations. Not only is she brilliant and a great researcher, but she is an excellent mentor as well. Let us call her Dr. A.

Before I left her office today, Dr. A told me that I should pay attention to my laser pointing techniques.

What? Laser pointing techniques? That even exists? Was this some weird research jedi training thing that I had never heard about before?

…after spending a little less time in lab than normal, people go up to you and say, “Lillian! Where have you been? We missed you!”

It’s kind of a nice feeling– this being missed thing. But it also speaks to how much time I spend in my dear laboratory. I usually respond to these inquiries with, “Oh you know, I’ve been busy. I have lots of class. Lots of studying, etc etc etc.” One graduate student told me that he was just asking because he hadn’t seen me around as much and he thought that… you know, I spent all my time in lab.

Ah well, I guess it’s nice to know that when I do finally leave lab… I shall be missed. :)

SCIENCE. Magazine.

I, Lillian, am now the proud owner of a subscription to Science Magazine.

YES. My first journal subscription!

And yet-- and yet... curiouser and curiouser!

Sometimes, when I talk to people about science, I wonder how much they really care.

I’m not saying that all undergraduates in research are like this– by all means, no no no!– but there are a significant number of undergrads out there who are doing research because they feel compelled to. Not because they want to.

And therein lies the rub…